Category Archives: Spacious Artists

Musicians, writers, and artists of all kinds who go beyond money and fame to seek and share inner wealth.

The Catastrophe of Success: Remove the Struggle, Lose Your Way of Being

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I hate to admit it, but one reason my marriage failed was because life was too good. Success was overwhelming and numbing. We had it all —money, big home, healthy kids, personal trainers — and I missed the simplicity of my childhood.  I longed for  meaningful experiences with family, less complexity and the sincere words of passionate friends. I missed poignant living. I missed being me.

The Catastrophe of Success

In, The Catastrophe of Success (New York Times 1947), Tennessee Williams writes of his experience with overnight success after the release of his play, The Glass Menagerie. He claims to have been, snatched out of utter oblivion and thrust into sudden prominence. Upgraded from rented rooms to first-class suites. The life he led prior to Menagerie was one that required endurance, clawing and scratching and holding on tight with raw fingers.  He missed that life and became depressed and disenchanted with his new existence. Continue reading →

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Steven Tyler and an Introvert: Expanding Through Music, Stillness and the Inner Garden

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Steven Tyler

Steven Tyler (lead singer of rock band Aerosmith and former American Idol judge) admits to blowing $20 million on drugs. He’s seen the highest of creative highs and the lowest of strung-out lows.

I (Brenna) have relatively little experience with drugs. Sure, I experimented in college; two inept attempts at smoking pot. One resulting in temporary paranoia and the other in zero effect at all due to user error. Who knows instinctively how to inhale from a skull pipe? 

I do know about wanting more and being numb.

I read Steven Tyler’s autobiography, Does the Noise in My Head Bother You?, and developed an admiration for the artist that goes beyond groupie.

Who hasn’t drifted through life at one time or forever in a cocoon of distractions?

Continue reading →

Introverts Do It Passionately and Creatively: How It’s Possible to Love Solitude and Be Popular

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“Susan Cain is a closet extrovert.” 

— Unknown

So read the juvenile and snarky comment on introvert author and champion, Susan Cain’s blog. Susan’s heavy presence in the media (TED Talks, NPR, morning shows) during her book promotion (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking) made it seem like she thrived in the limelight and fed off constant interaction, much like an extrovert.  Still, I resented the insinuation that it is impossible to be popular, engaging, passionate and an introvert.

I know many who are drawn to solitude but are frequently sought out for coffee, dinner, roller derby, pillow talk, etc. Introverts are in demand. They are rarely lonely not only because they enjoy their own company but because others do as well.

Why do those who cherish alone time often have many friends and invitations?

Perhaps it’s a simple case of supply and demand.  Introverts love large swathes of free time.  Time with no plans except enjoying their own company — listening to music, reading, watching meaningful movies, meditating, writing, painting, resting, investigating life in-depth.  Securing and making time alone a priority leaves less time for socializing. Therefore any time available for interacting is precious. And anything precious is a must have.

Energized and Energizing

Why do some introverts seem like extroverts? Besides the pressure many of us feel to be outgoing and gregarious (the American way), there are other reasons why introverts exhibit extroverted energy.

Introverts love to go deep into subjects or work they find meaningful.  According to Susan Cain and Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, these core personal projects or passions allow an introvert to display extroverted abilities, such as large-scale socializing, public speaking or unbridled enthusiasm.  Valued work gives us purpose and energy via an intense connection with our feelings and impressions. Our imagination and intuition are tapped and spill out in the form of ideas and inspiration.  We are internally energized but in turn energize others with our passion, drive and excitement. We all know people who glow with energy and light.  We want to be with them. Want to feed off their buzz.

I’m sure this is the energy and enthusiasm Susan Cain demonstrated as she eagerly promoted the work she had dedicated seven years of her life to.  She wanted to help/support/empower other introspectives.  The value she found in this mission gave her energy and strength to chat away the days with talk show hosts and sign endless copies of her book.

My bet is that she returned home or to her hotel room at night and collapsed.  As exciting as her mission was, a key trait of introverts is to recharge in solitude.

Creativity and Community

Introverts are often thought of as disconnected or remote.  But there is something that bridges contemplative folks with their community.  Creativity.

True, introverts like to spend time in stillness without interruptions and hoards of people. But what do they do in this stillness?  Connect with themselves.  Find clarity regarding personal issues they are navigating. Go into a state of flow where ideas, feelings and associations come together to resolve conflict, reveal beauty or simply provide renewal.

Quite often these times of stillness produce creations that are helpful and valued by the community. Perhaps the  purpose of creating is not to express ourselves but to connect? Picture a road-weary truck driver who practices guitar at night in his cab and eventually becomes the truck-stop entertainment.  Or a broken-hearted baker who heals herself by silently kneading and rolling dough into the most delicate pastries.  Creativity, of course, does not always stem from sorrow. Imagine a blissful painter who spends hours alone in her studio caressing canvas with soft brush strokes. Or a dedicated psychiatrist who spends years researching and publishing the causes and treatment of catatonic schizophrenia. All of these scenarios ultimately provide gifts to the community.

Take a minute to recall how alive you feel after seeing an incredible movie or hearing an evocative song.

Creators are inspiring. They pique our interest.  They give us permission to expand beyond our daily ho-hum.  They display courage in their originality. They provide solutions. They make us feel less alone.

No wonder others want to know them, spend time with them and be like them.

There is also research suggesting that creativity is based on in-depth immersion in a topic AND collaborative interaction (Keith Sawyer, Does Solitude Enhance Creativity? A Critique of Susan Cain’s Attack on Collaboration).  Space for both introverts and extroverts to shine and work together for the greater good.  Another reason introverts are in demand.

Of course, extroverts are creative too but the purpose of this post is to show how introverts find popularity despite their penchant for alone time.

Introverts aren’t all disconnected loners. Many are quite popular. Some are even confused for extroverts.

Know any popular introverts? Why do you enjoy hanging out with an introvert?

If you liked this post, you might also like:

How to Be Lively, Energetic and Vibrant When Your True Nature Is Thoughtful, Introverted and Reticent (space2live)

What’s Wonderful? Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking -space2live

Introverts and Creativity: A Critique of Susan Cain’s Argument - Professor Michael Roberto’s Blog

Gifts, Connections & Community (Part 2) - Keith Jennings Wandering and Wondering the Creative

**There is a new temperament title that is gaining notoriety.  The ambivert.  An ambivert is someone who falls basically dead center in the introvert-extrovert continuum.  Anyone know someone who may qualify as an ambivert?  Some days I wonder if I am more of an ambivert than an introvert.

The Power of Poetry: Helping Us Heal, Feel and Transition

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I taped Jorge Luis Borges’s poem, You Learn, to the wall above my desk. It’s helping me through the married to not married transition. It whispers messages about love and endurance when I need them. Often my eyes drift to the poem and gently land on a line or stanza…

So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul

Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers…

Like a prayer or mantra the poem works its way into my consciousness and nurtures me from the inside out.

Where We Turn in Crisis

We often discover poetry during a crisis. When we are most vulnerable.  When we are willing to let beautiful expression and resonance tap the soft spot where we bleed and heal. Poetic imagery helps us understand through sensations and feelings rather than a gathering of knowledge.  It soothes our inner world with artistic light and universal meaning.

Let us not forget that music is poetry. Song lyrics speak to us like intimate friends. Melody puts its arm around us and walks us forward. Singing shifts us little by little from victim to survivor. From being alone to being one with all.

 Poetic Ritual and Writing: Keeping Us Sharp and Satisfied

Poetic verse is not passive.  It engages us and makes us discern, ponder and investigate.  It turns our focus inward and then outward.  How is this me?  How is this everyone?  For this reason poetry writing is as valuable as Sudoku, crossword puzzles and reading in the battle to maintain mental acuity. In the article, A Mad Obsession: Poetry on the Brain by Cynthia R. Green, Dr. Milton Ehrlich is mentioned for his late-in-life passion for crafting poetry.  Ehrlich began his sincere poetry writing at the tender young age of 70, when he transitioned from working full-time as a psychologist to working part-time. Dr. Ehrlich is now 80 and has published three books of poetry. He writes about wisdom earned from experience and the conflict and comfort found while exploring our inner psychic worlds.

I am always working on a poem and seem to crank out a new poem almost every week. I think about it all the time. Some would call it a mad obsession.  ~ Dr. Milton Ehrlich

I myself spent a year reading and writing Haiku poems. I stumbled upon a beautiful little book called, Haiku Mind and was hooked.  I made it a ritual every morning to compose one of these small wonders.  I loved capturing the birth and death of a moment in a set of syllables organized in a simple 5-7-5 pattern.  Stripping everything away but the seed of truth, which showed itself with a tiny burst of light. I highly recommend the practice. Note to self: reinstitute haiku habit.

Poetry in Education

I remember learning the technical aspects of poetry in school. Iambic pentameter, rhyme scheme, 5-7-5 syllable  structure.  I memorized and recited a rather long poem in sixth grade about getting a haircut and washing your car.  I vaguely recall it being humorous. I have no recollection of how I felt when I read the poem other than I was proud of my memorization skills. I have no residual feelings of attachment to the words or message.  What a shame.  I wish I would have chosen a poem I was so drawn to that I had no choice but to learn it by heart.

In The Sun Magazine’s article, Written on the Bones: Kim Rosen on Reclaiming The Ancient Power of Poetry, poetry therapist (healer?), Kim Rosen, says memorizing a poem is more like conquering it than entering into a relationship with it. Learning by heart denotes a willingness to be moved and changed. She says no one told her in school that poems were conscious-altering substances. No one told her rhythm could free her mind, alliteration could allow her feelings to flow and rhyme could crack open her thought patterns.

Perhaps this is exactly what children need to be taught in school. Surrender your pride and allow yourself to be moved, changed and healed.  The willingness experienced will carry you through life’s crises. Openness will expose you to beauty and opportunities you will never see with a memorization-muddled mind.

I know of a boy closing in on the final days of a three-year chemo regiment for ALL (Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia ). His body and spirit are weary but he’s made it. Six weeks ago his 6th grade Language Arts class did a poetry unit. Kids were assigned a poem to read and answer questions about.  This boy read the poem, Another Mountain by Abiodun Oyewole. The final lines in the poem are, But my wings only work, after I’ve climbed a mountain. Instead of stuffing this poem in his crammed backpack and forgetting about it like most kids did, he took it home and shared it with his mom and instead of putting it in the recycle bin after that, he folded it neatly and put it the important papers file.

You Learn

I take Jorge Luis Borges’s poem, You Learn, to heart.  I grant it access to my subconscious and spirit. Every day it seeps in and guides me through this time of transition. It teaches me how to tap into vulnerability and heal the wounded spots. It teaches and I learn.

Where do you experience poetry?

In music? Within your faith? At poetry slams?

Has poetry ever helped you heal?

If you enjoyed The Power of Poetry then you may also like:

JFK Eulogy for Robert Frost – Los Angeles Times

The Journey – Mary Oliver

The Invitation – Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Blossom or Hibernate? In Love and Work, When Is It Right to Start Anew? – Space2live

Spirit of Summer – Space2live archives

Peak Experiences in Self-Actualization: Gifts That Transcend Your Head

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Decisions, frustrations, squirrel energy and caffeinated thoughts. I’ve been in my head too much lately. Check-lists and ringing phones have left my spirit mechanical and my soul longing for poetry, beauty and prose that flows. I wish for living that transcends the business end of it. Please Universe extend some humanity, some oneness, a sprinkle of stillness and a sense of awe.

Self-Actualization and Peak Experiences: What We Live For

Abraham Maslow included peak experiences in his list of characteristics of the self-actualized individual.  Self – actualization is the tippy top level of being on Maslow’s famous Hierarchy of Needs pyramid.*  A self-actualized person has all their basic needs for food, shelter, protection, belongingness and esteem satisfied and rises to an existence that includes the desire to self-fulfill or become everything that one is capable of becoming. Self-actualized individuals have a propensity for peak experiences; intense moments of joy, awe, wonder, oneness and ecstasy. Following such experiences the being is strengthened, renewed, inspired.

Have You Ever Had Your Breath Taken Away By…

Music: The purity of one note sung into the sun that originates in the earth rises through  bodies and rests in tears that spring from jaded eyes. Songs reminiscent of long ago scents, settings and the sideways smile of an old lover. Space between lyrics where souls wedge in and expand. Singing without thinking because you are in a good place.

Kindness: Love when there could be bitterness. A hand that reaches for yours when you are mired and distant in your own sadness. An offer of listening with no expectation of repayment. Selflessness that makes you want to be a better person.

Resonance: Stories that powerfully echo your own. To be known. Kinship based on common joy and suffering. Meeting the eyes of others and seeing yourself in them. A connection that makes you a little more brave, less alone.  Message received. I feel you. I am you.

The Humanities: Art, music, theater, philosophy, literature, history, religion. Clarity from the ether of imagination manifested into words, melodies, dialogue, prayers. Bold art that whispers to your heart. Literature that befriends and awakens. Weeping from beauty and catharsis. The human condition defined and transcended.

Empathy: A child sobs when he learns of the tormented life of another. Witnessing the belittling of another and never being the same again. An ache felt deeply for another. Raw compassion. What moves us to help.

Stillness: The hours in the morning before the house is up. God, the Universe, your inner voice or your imagination speaking through silence. The moments after you ask for help and the ones after it is received. The pause and quiet beneath the veneer of noise. Where peace and metaphors come from. A calm to be found within and without.

Nature: Retreating to the woods to feel small and infinite at the same time.  A non-judgmental sanctuary of light and silence. Hearing morning doves outside your bedroom window the day after your lover moved out. Feeling less alone. Watching with your children as a hawk circles and pierces the edgeless sky.

Thank you for allowing me to indulge in flow and awe.  To attempt to put into words the ineffable. To escape my clockwork mind.

I feel much more connected to myself and you.

What do you need to reconnect?  Tell me of a peak experience that changed you.   

*At least on the most commonly referred to versions of the pyramid.  Maslow later added a level about Self-Actualization he called Transcendence.

Related articles

15 Ways Art Saves Children From the Stupor of Standardized Tests

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May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art — write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.

~ Neil Gaiman

One of life’s most delicious experiences is engaging in art with elementary school children. At this age their hearts and minds are open and enchanted. Enthusiasm is cool and sarcasm is limited.

Why did we decide that institutionalized teaching is more important than freedom of expression? Budget reasons? Easier to control students? Why is art such a small part of a school’s curriculum? What ever happened to crafts? Why don’t kids learn about artist’s lives?  Are they too salacious or unorthodox?

Why Art Is Just As Important As Math and Reading:

1. There is no wrong in art. No good. No bad. Just art. Kids learn to create for pleasure not praise or approval.

2.Art creates something on the outside that comes from the inside. It teaches the ability to turn inward for guidance. This will come in handy during decision-making and difficult times. How many adults can do this?

3. Art is about the experience not the results. There is nothing more satisfying than being in a state of flow, losing track of time, being.

4. Artists are brave and do their own thing.  They exemplify courage in their stance against the status quo. They are role models for independent thinking.

5. Artists embody passion. Renoir tied paintbrushes to his wrists and painted vibrant lively paintings when arthritis crippled his hands and body. He could not stop creating. 

6.  Artists often struggle financially but do it anyway. Money is not a primary motivator, a compulsion to create is.

7. Art grants space to use imagination, to think differently. Innovation is a survival skill.

8. Artists practice and practice.  Art teaches persistence and perseverance. Author Steven Pressfield says the more you practice your craft the more spiritual it becomes. The work is sustaining.

9. Art teaches that school isn’t the end all be all. There is more to education than a classroom, curriculum and text books. Creativity can strike anywhere.

10. Art in education shows that being an artist is a viable vocation. Art moves people and that is priceless. How’s that for a success story?

11. Art is hands on. Instantly applicable. You don’t have to absorb it now and regurgitate it later.  Get messy, feel it, now.

12. Art gives different kids a chance to shine.  A creative soul is just as intelligent as a math whiz.  Both are valuable contributors to the world.

13. No homework. Kids can go home and play!! Learn how to thrive in an unstructured environment.

14. No two pieces of art are exactly alike. Different is good and absolutely acceptable.

15. Art has no boundaries. There is freedom to create what you dream regardless of race, sex, religion, IQ or socioeconomic status.

How have the colors of art affected your life?  Would more art in schools better prepare children for the real world? 

 Related Material:

Schools Kill Creativity? - elephant journal

Soul Painting: Beyond Artistic Talent – space2live

What If Schools Put Character Building First and Standardized Tests Second? (space2live)

The Power of Poetry: Helping Us Heal, Feel and Transition (space2live)

Spastic Self-Promotion – A Necessary Evil in Writing and in Life?

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I would give anything to be able to enthusiastically blast my ideas on Facebook, Twitter and Google+ ten times a day. I would kill to tell stories and keep a crowd in stitches with my effervescent nature.

I envy those who ooze energy and action. I admire those who get charged up by interaction and stimulation. I have spent a good portion of my life trying to be dynamic like that. Striving and doing like all the best people can. The way most successful and magnetic people do. It seems the right way to be. The way to be heard.

But alas, I am a dyed in the wool, sensitive introvert. I hold my breath until I can retreat to my inner world of ideas and feelings. I love interacting and gathering intimacy but long bouts of large-scale socializing and rushed living leave me feeling drained,raw and edgy. Sharing ideas is energizing but pushing fan page links and requesting Amazon reviews is not.

In the old days writers were allowed to disappear for a few months to create in peace.  Family members, friends and fellow authors honored this creative solitude. Admittedly, that setup mostly worked for male writers.  Women still struggled to find a room of their own. Nevertheless, writing used to be a solitary pursuit.

Now the world has gone ape-sh*t for media coverage.  No one leaves you alone to create. You must produce AND promote. Much of the personal advertising falls to the writer. Agents and publicists are hard to come by. A writer must have a substantial platform of readers before a publisher even gives them a glance. Book tours and press releases are mandatory for published authors. It is necessary every day to offer up tidbits of wit and insight so the people don’t forget you. Facebook, twitter, Google+, kindle self-publishing, blogging, professional groups.  Put yourself out there.  Promote, promote, promote.

Exhausting.

But I do it. I try. I throw up links to share and bond with my readers. I allow glimpses of my personal life on Facebook. I tweet and retweet to maintain a fragile web of connections that could vanish if left unattended for an afternoon.

It’s all about constantly courting the public. Or is it?

The Tim Ferriss effect

According to Michael Ellsberg, Forbes.com contributor and author of The Education of Millionaires, one well placed guest post on a popular single author’s blog is better than a three minute segment on CNN or a 1000 word write-up in The New York Times.  One small introduction and a guest post on eccentric entrepreneur and author Tim Ferriss’s (The 4-Hour Workweek and The 4-Hour Body) website skyrocketed Ellsberg’s book ranking on Amazon from #1295 to #45 in a matter of hours. Ellsberg did twitter blasts, email list launches, radio interviews and webinars but nothing ramped the success needle up like the nod from his acquaintance Tim Ferriss. Much like the Oprah effect, Tim Ferriss’s magic touch is due to his great influence over a large and extremely loyal audience.

Most of us don’t have people like Tim Ferriss in our pocket and I am not advising you to stalk mega-media stars, but I do believe most of us are capable of creating meaningful relationships. We all know someone who is slightly ahead of us on the success path. Nurture that connection. Offer your assistance. Learn from them.

Could it be that a strategic placement and endorsement from an influential individual is worth 1000 tweets?  Wouldn’t it be lovely to use our energy for significant relationships instead of burning up precious fuel dithering in social media?

Do the Work – Steven Pressfield

Well known author (The War of Art, Do the Work) and screenwriter (The Legend of Bagger Vance), Steven Pressfield, states our most formidable enemy in writing is Resistance. Resistance is what makes us futz around for hours reading email, cleaning out drawers and flipping through magazines before we get down to our real work — writing. Resistance wants to distract, discourage and derail us. Pressfield says social media is Resistance’s most supreme tool.

Pressfield limits his media exposure. His publicist tweets for him. He rarely does interviews. The only consistent dialogue he maintains with his fans is through his blog Steven Pressfield Online. He admits to spending time connecting with a small tribe of followers who contribute comments to the Writing Wednesdays section of his site. A carefully placed and nourished relationship.

Above all Pressfield says DO THE WORK. Write through fear, frustration and Resistance. Focus on your craft.  Write for the love of it, not for commercial success. Pressfield claims he never made any money when he worked for commercial success.  He only succeeded when he followed his heart and did the work.

Keys to Success

Nothing gives me more energy than a good day of writing and the cultivation of meaningful relationships. Could it be these are the tools of a successful writing career? Doing beloved work and spreading kindness seems to be the right way to write and live.

How much time do you spend self-promoting?  Do you have to be mindful of your energy?  Have you found any foolproof methods to boost readership that don’t involve social media hustling?  

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A Little Writing Love

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This “Liebster Blog” award is given to bloggers who have less than 200 followers, for new up-and-coming bloggers. “Liebster” is German means, “Dearest” or “Beloved.”

My friend, Jenny of Here. Now. Me. was kind enough to nominate space2live for the sweet award.  I am honored by the thought and recognition.

One thing I have learned in the last year of writing – the blogging community is generous, inspiring and wonderful company.  I find myself cheering for every soul brave enough to put their hearts, dreams and guts on the page.

The Liebster Blog Award Rules

1. Show your thanks to the blogger who gave you the award by linking back to them.

2. Reveal your top picks for the award and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.

3. Post the award on your blog.

4. Bask in the love from the most supportive people on the blogsphere – other bloggers. 

5. And, best of all – have fun and spread the karma.

Upon receiving the Liebster award it is suggested (but not strictly required) to pass along the love to five other bloggers whose work brings you joy.  This is where I struggled.  I enjoy so many writers’ work.  I know some of them have more than 200 followers. I leaped and chose 5 that have recently inspired me, given me something useful or just made my day a little brighter.

First and foremost thank you again to reflective and thoughtful JKS at Here. Now. Me. for nominating me for the Liebster.

Here are my 5 blogging Liebster nominees:

1. Jim Langemo at If Not You, Then Who?  If Not Now, Then When?: Faith, diversity and life.

2. Jessica Nelson at Allwaysunmended: Writing, book reviews, sci-fi, thrillers, mystery.

3. Les Floyd at Lesism: Living with open eyes and a conscious mind.

4. Corisel at Oneregard: Dreams, living simply, music and well being.

5. Eric at One Laugh to Live: Humor and spirituality.

Make some space in your life to enjoy these lovely writers.:)

Brenna Gee


What’s Wonderful? Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking

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Our culture made  a virtue of living only as extroverts.  We discouraged the inner journey, the quest for center.  So we lost our center and have to find it again. ~ Anais Nin

  • Could we have prevented the Wall Street crash of 2008?
  • How do introverts and extroverts work together in love?
  • How can introverts act like extroverts and still have energy?
  • If introverts were in charge would Kim Kardashian matter at all?
These are only a few of the questions answered in introversion expert, Susan Cain’s, remarkable book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Won’t Stop Talking.

A Little Information About Introverts and Extroverts

According to Susan Cain 30-50% of people are introverts. Introverts are seen as contemplative souls who are sensitive to stimulation and do their most rewarding work in the familiar confines of their own minds. They are renewed by solitude and a lack of distractions. Contrary to popular belief, introverts do enjoy time with people but usually prefer small groups to large crowds. Quiet cites Abraham Lincoln and Eleanor Roosevelt as introverts.

Extroverts are beings of action or response.  They get energized by interaction with others and think on their feet or as they talk. John F. Kennedy or Tony Robbins are good examples of  extroverts. According to Quiet, both nature and nurture affect our temperaments.  There are certain brain pathway formations we are born with that affect temperament while our environment influences how much we are able to stretch outside our nature.

Introverts are advisors and extroverts are persuaders.  The world needs both temperaments in order to thrive.

We still live in a country where extroversion is seen as the ideal temperament but there is a quiet revolution underway.

Personality Over Character: Kim Kardashian Over Atticus Finch

According to Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Won’t Stop Talking, what we value about ourselves shifted when we moved from a Culture of Character (duty, honor, reputation-how we behave in private) to a Culture of Personality (dominant, energetic, magnetic – how we want to be perceived).  This change in perception took place in the early 1900s.  At this time business was replacing farms and country folk were moving into the cities.  Suddenly, the solitude of rural living where the individuals we worked and socialized with were either family or life-long acquaintances, were replaced with strangers who quickly became competitors for jobs and mates. Instead of striving to maintain harmony in small communities it became necessary to stand out and fight for a place in the pecking order.

Mastery of storytelling and first impressions became more important than mining the internal for ideas, integrity and solace.  This applied to all areas of life including: work, education and love.

Private Pondering Vs. Teamwork

In Quiet we learn that over forty years of studies have proven that work performance gets worse as group size increases, yet over 70% of today’s employees work in open-plan offices and brainstorming is as common as copy machine malfunctions.

 Somewhere between cubicles and open bullpen style the introvert’s opinion regarding office layout and group dynamics was not heard.  Perhaps she was trying to read a book in her car over her lunch hour  while her cafeteria-loving co-workers took a vote and decided wide open work spaces with zero privacy were the way to go. Perhaps she gave her two cents but it was not the loudest or first response so it was deemed not as intelligent. Quiet tells us that people are often influenced by quick talkers with strong voices.

In one study involving over 600 computer programmers, top performers all came from organizations who valued privacy and personal space. The most productive companies provided  niches where employees could retreat to think and concentrate.

Nevertheless, the majority of companies promote teamwork and constant communication over individual idea generating.

I don’t believe anything really revolutionary has been invented by committee. ~ Steve Wozniak, Apple

Extroversion and Introversion in Education

It seems our nation’s classrooms are preparing students for group projects in corporate life.  A quick peek into any elementary school classroom will reveal pods of desks and classroom-combining to encourage teamwork between both students and teachers. Like open-office plans, groupings of desks supposedly enhance social ability and productivity.  This may work for a while for kids who thrive on constant interaction and stimulation but for introverted kids this is hell. People and interruptions are draining for children with an introspective nature.  They need downtime to recharge but instead swim in a stew of noise, classmates and curriculum transitions. Not only are they expected to be academically active and enthusiastically on-task but if they show any signs of fatigue or emotional distress they are stigmatized. All of this pressure in the classroom makes me wonder if there is any correlation between chronic extroverting and the increase in special needs children in schools.

The expectation to be gregarious and above all social, is prevalent not only in primary and secondary schools but also in the most elite halls and college campuses around the country.  Susan Cain interviewed quiet Chinese student, Don Chen, on the sacred grounds of Harvard Business School. She learned that at Harvard Business School it is mandatory to project leadership, participate confidently and often in class and that social activities outside the lecture hall are just as important if not more than academic pursuits.

Professors even set up websites to help pull reticent students out of their shells because weak verbal ability reflects on the whole school.

Chen often finds himself exhausted from non-stop socializing. I go out at night like it’s my job, he says.

Neither extroverts nor introverts are more intelligent but studies show that extroverts are often seen as more brainy because they talk more and respond quicker (even if they aren’t certain of the answer).

Speak with conviction.  Even if you believe something only fifty-five percent, say it as if you believe it a hundred percent. – How to be a good class participator, Harvard Business School

Quiet: The Power of Introverts points out that many of the Wall Street firms were filled with ivy league bankers making impulsive decisions with conviction during the housing market and sub-prime loan fiasco that precipitated the 2008 market collapse. Perhaps more thoughtful advising and decision-making would have been helpful?

Where is Introversion Honored?

The United States, built out of rugged pioneers who left their safe comfortable lives to explore and establish a new country, is primarily extrovert based.  Far eastern countries with fewer immigrants are more pro-introvert.  For instance Chinese children who are sensitive and reserved are said to be dongshi (understanding), a term for praise. While Americans are all about following our bliss or celebrating our uniqueness,  Asians often work to create harmony within the group by not ruffling feathers.  While Americans score unbelievably high when rated on personal confidence, Tibetan monks find euphoria while meditating on compassion. Introversion in Asian cultures is a cultivated soft power based on quiet persistence rather than boisterous risk taking.

Introverts in Love

Introverts value intimacy.  Meaningful conversation with one or two close companions is ideal.  In love and in life introverts prefer depth to breadth.  It is not unusual for an introvert to come home from work worn out from constant stimulation (brainstorming. lunch meetings, open-plan office space) and want to relax with good food, an exquisite book and the company of their honey. This is refuel time.  If their loved one is another introvert, not much explaining is required but if their significant other is an extrovert they may have to assure them that all is well.  It’s not a rejection when they want to have downtime. Now an extrovert may see throwing a dinner party as relaxing to which the introvert may balk.  An understanding or balance of desires establishes a common ground for a mixed couple to use as their manifesto. Maybe the couple agrees to throw two dinner parties a month in order to satisfy the social extrovert.  Perhaps the extrovert agrees to leave the introvert alone for the first hour when they come home.

Another difference between the contemplative and the action oriented is the way they disagree or argue.  Introverts may cry or remain emotionally distant in order to minimize aggression (which they find unsettling). Extroverts tend to jump in with elevated voices and confrontational tactics, which to them is simply engagement. If not understood this difference in conflict resolution styles can lead to a cycle of irreparable friction.

The keys are awareness and empathy.

 It is all workable provided no one dominates to the point of smothering the other’s sense of being.  Opposites attract but they need to be aware of the other’s perspective. It does no good to take the other’s actions or lack there of as personal affronts. The two traits are different but different does not equal bad. In fact, if appropriately harnessed the combination of styles can be incredibly illuminating, a fly-on-the-wall view of how the other half lives.

How to Play Nice and Prosper

How do we make it work?  How can introverts and extroverts coexist and move the world forward?  If we allow the introvert to whisper advice and counsel the extroverts in the art of contemplation then the outgoing warriors can make good decisions before they leap into action.

Perhaps introverts will become more skillful at pseudo-extroverting.  We’ve been practicing since the early 1900s.  One sure-fire way to create energy while extroverting is to get lost in work that is meaningful.  Introverts soar when they engage in work they love.

Perhaps extroverts will step down from their valiant steeds and listen more to patient advising.  Maybe the extroverts will see the value in pausing and reflecting and sit down so that others may stand up.

Would it be so bad if we went back to a culture of character where Atticus Finches are more sought after than Kim Kardashians? I think not. On with the revolution.

Have we lost ourselves in gregariousness?  Could a re-balancing of temperaments lead to a better understanding of who we are? Would there be less unhappiness if solitude and reflection were encouraged more than self-promotion?

*Read this book, please.:) It has amazing research and incredible points regarding the benefits to the world if both introspective and action-oriented temperaments would join forces and exist on equal footing.

** For my HSP readers – Susan Cain does include a section on the correlation between introversion and high sensitivity.  She attends a retreat with sensitivity expert, Elaine Aron.

Further reading about introversion, quiet and needing space:

Hush: The Sound of Silence 

All Peopled Out

There’s Nothing Wrong With You.  You’re an Introvert. (space2live)

Introvert Relationships: Love Me or Leave Me but Please Don’t Need Me (Too Much) (space2live)

In Defense of Introverted Parents  (space2live)

What’s Wonderful? Henry and June

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Maybe I have a thing for erotica. Maybe I love artsy-fartsy films about writers in Paris (I loved Woody Allen’s Midnight in Paris too). Maybe it’s because I watched  the entire movie in peace without interruptions (even rewinding and replaying dialogue I didn’t catch the first time). Whatever the reason, I found Henry and June (1990) to be wonderful.

Why was I drawn to it in the first place?  It is about writersand reckless abandon in the 1930s. Need I say more?  It is about love and sex in a different era. There is a love

English: Photograph of Anaïs Nin as a teenager...

Image via Wikipedia

triangle between Henry Miller, Anais Nin and Uma Thurman (she plays June Miller in the movie). The story takes place during the time that Henry Miller is writing Tropic of Cancer and Anais Nin is compiling her famous diaries. It’s based on the book of the same name by Anais Nin who is the author of one of my favorite quotes:

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

The Highlights:  

  • The cinematography – The lighting and 1930s settings and imagery make me want to light up a cigarette and glide through a cabaret.
  • After meeting Henry Miller for the first time, Anais Nin writes in her diary, He is a man life intoxicates.  He is like me.  I instantly find both characters interesting.
  • The clothing – This is minor but I love the hats and fitted dresses of this time period.  So feminine. I was so inspired I went on Etsy to see what I could find under vintage 1930s clothing.  Sadly, the dresses for sale of the era are made for extremely dainty women.  One dress had a 17″ waist.  I believe that is what Scarlet O’Hara’s waist was in Gone with the Wind. Scarlet was prone to passing out.
  • The erotica – This film is not for children. Beautiful nudity and sexuality abound with little to no inhibition.  It seems all they did back then was pontificate and fornicate. I suggest you watch Henry and June with someone you are eager to get naked with while viewing the film or if you have superb restraint, afterwards. I watched it by myself and had to cool down with unsexy thoughts of Larry King and Mother Teresa.

What’s Missing?  Some might say a story line.  It does meander and for me the inevitable confrontation with June Miller is anti-climactic (bad pun;).

I saw the overall story as Anais Nin’s liberation from her banker husband and the lifestyle that surrounds them, although she never fully untethers herself from him.  Anais seeks her truth via sexual freedom. As she has dalliances with Henry and June Miller her physical openness encourages openness in her writing, even sharing it with Miller – prior to this she has only shown her work to Hugo (her husband).

One other minor flaw- Fred Ward’s (Henry Miller) obvious bald cap and goofy hair ring were a distraction. I wanted him to keep his hat on at ALL times.

Who should watch this film? Anyone with an interest in literary greats.  Anyone who appreciates period pieces and all their cinematic glory and nostalgia.  Anyone who can see sexuality as a means to self-revelation and creativity.